# 3 Tech Bytes - Incidents: a developer’s waking nightmare

18:00 - Grab a drink and take a seat

18:10 - Intro

18:20 - 18:50 Jarosław Pałka, Staff Engineer/ Benchmarking team lead at Neo4j

Topic: Performance: beyond the event horizon

About: Since I left the world of architecture and absurdly, downright indecently large systems, I have regained the joy of work. Does this mean that I no longer have worries, problems and riddles that make me into states on the border of catatonia and nervous breakdown?

Oh no. Every day in the land of performance brings something new, like in a good crime series, you don't know who killed, what the motives were and why everybody lies.

One thing I am sure, the majority of fuck ups are caused by performance problems. During the presentation, I would like to tell you about the "investigative" techniques that will help you find the code to blame for all the confusion. These techniques are based on simple heuristics, the use of which does not require degrees from awarded universities. We must remember that we need data to be able to feed our heuristics. Therefore, it will also be about the tools that I use in my daily work. And about how sometimes we have to treat their effects with a pinch of salt and give what we see in doubt. What does "event horizon" in the title have to do with it? You will find out at the presentation;).

18:50 - 19:20 Marcin Kulawinek, Software Engineer at Ocado Technology

Topic: Houston, we have an incident! What to do when something goes wrong in production or after implementation?

About: At some point in the software developer career, there is this night when your phone starts to ring. You pick it up and it turns out that something has happened in production and your help is required. Adrenaline starts to flow through your body and you have to react fast.

During this talk, I will discuss some useful practices that may help you feel more comfortable preparing for the support. Then we will investigate what happens during an incident and how we can mitigate some common challenges. Finally, we will finish with some good tips for days after support.

19:20 - 19:50 Paweł Stobiecki, Software Engineer at Ocado Technology

Topic: F'up Nights. How we adapted a popular meetup series to promote no-blame culture

About: Mistakes and incidents happen and will happen, they're a part of our lives. As painful as they are for the involved, they also carry powerful stories that others can learn from - so that the same mistake can be avoided. But how to create a safe platform to share these stories, create interest, and gather a wide audience who want to learn?

In this talk, I'll show you how I adapted the popular 'Fuckup Nights' meetup format into Ocado's own 'F'up Nights' show. Over 8 editions of this combination of a comedy and post-mortem analysis, we've learned from (and laughed about) dozens of stories coming from our colleagues. Apart from showing you what F'up Nights look like, I'll share some tips on organising something similar in your company. In this way, you will be able to start building a no-blame culture where mistakes are acknowledged as a part of reality and become the fuel for innovation.

See you!